Right on, Dave! Because some people don't know the difference, we are legislated (from the bench) into the fear of corrective action of any kind.

I also agree that there is a difference between corrective discipline and abuse..but as I sit and type this, I can tell you that we have been there done that.

We have been having a time with our 16yr old daughter since she was around 11. We have been in counseling since about then. She has consistantly run away, we have called the police, they bring her back and tell us to deal with her.She has snuck out of house and gone to parties with older guys drinking and doing drugs.. We were able to get her on contract for 6 mos. with dept. of juvinelle justice when she was 13, she did ok, during that time, but when the contract was up back to same old same old. No respect, if you tell her you are going to "whip her tale" for things she has done or said, she has constantly told us that she would call the police on us. You tell her she cant go somewhere, she will go out her bedroom window. We finally had to nail the windows shut, she would go in bathroom and lean out window and smoke cigarettes and put them out on the vinyl siding..we took lock of her bathroom door and bedroom door. In fact once we took her bedroom door from her for a week...from constantly slamming it.

Back in Februay she was placed in the Psych hospital in Charleston for 5 days, why because she was in her room kicking doors, breaking porcelean dolls, throwing the keyboard of computer..etc why? because we told her NO she couldnt go somewhere..husband went in to try to get her to stop, never touched her but told her if she didnt he would "spank" her, she rolls on floor grabs screw driver and comes after him..we call police, they come over talk to her, talk to us, and guess what, wouldnt take her..she is a juvenille, we needed to learn to deal with her until she is of age to leave...but if we let her just leave on her own, which at that time she was 15, we would be held responsible for anything she did.. next morning i found a note she wrote stating she took an overdose, we immediately got her to the local hospital and they ran tests...guess what..no drugs, so they sent her to the psych for an evaluation, they diagnosed her with ODD, know that that is?? opositional defiant disorder, in other words she is defiant.

The last straw was at the beginning of the summer, we found she stole a large amount of money from us, we called the police, were told it was a domestic problem or a juvinelle justice problem and we needed to take to juvinelle justice dept, we called them, they stated they could not touch it unless we filed a compliant with the police, police stated
they were not equipped to handle this and they refused to let us take a warrent out for her. Understand..we have gone through this for 5 years now...no help anywhere. My husband went to dept. of social services and talked with them. They gave us a list of theraputic homes to place her in, but the kicker, it was $187.00 per day and a minimum of 6 months..who can afford that?? Thats over $33,600. No insurance to cover this. Well she decided she wanted to go somewhere first week of June and we told her NO due to her behavior, that if she could not learn to straighten up,repect us then she was grounded. She got in my husbands face and called him every nasty name in the book including using the F word. She pushed him to his limit,she provoked him.. he open handedly slapped her, missed her face because she turned her head. There were 3 witnesses to what happened. She then grabbed the phone called 911, shouted in the phone that they needed to come get her, her father was beating on her and that he was at the moment whipping on her, thing was, he was not even in her room at the time, he was in hallway with the 3 of us. He dropped his head and said "might as well get dressed because they are going to take me". Well she wanted to make sure that they would, so she took her ring, scratched it below her nose and above her lips, left a "DOT" of blood (kinda like when you squeeze a pimple and it beads up). Police arrive she shows them this. They listened to her side, questioned my husband, myself, my 32 year old son, refused to question my neice who was here, I tried to tell them what we had been going through with her, and the officer stated he didnt care, he just wanted to know what happened right then and there, he had no interest in listening to us, and know what happened...they believed her over all of us adults, hand cuffed hubby and took him straight to jail...tell me where the justice is in this???? Cost me $465.00 CASH to get him out, $3000 for a lawyer because the city has charged him with Assult and Battery..Plus Dept.of Social Services has charged us with being abusive parents, and not providing her with a "safe" home...and they are requesting that our names be placed in the national register of abusive parents...no whats so bad about all of this, for over 8 years we were foster parents...boy the joke is on us..still not through this yet..good thing they did take her in to "protective custody" of course they have moved her to 3 foster homes in the last 8 weeks because no body can handle her..

Needless to say...we have the "crappiest" laws in the nation, and the kids know this...discipline is out of our hands and they know all they gotta do is yell abuse and they get us arrested. My husband has never laid a hand on her in the past, he is a well respected business man in our community..very gentle and soft spoken...but doesnt matter kid hollars abuse..you are "screwed". Social Services is talking about putting her back here in the next few months, we told them to go ahead if they wanted to, but we would not stop her from doing whatever she wants..she can come and go as she pleases...we will never try to discipline her again..plus can't leave my husband anywhere around her alone because we do not know what she will try to say or do next. Oh yeah, forgot we have been court ordered to go through counseling and to pay the state child support of $400.00 a month.

OK, I am done..off of my rampage...I have no respect for the law in our town, state or even higher the country...It doesnt work..and we wonder why the kids are not getting the education they need, and these are our FUTURE LEADERS!! Scary!!

Carol, your narrative has left me limp and numb. I am outraged and I want to cry at the same time.

You have my deepest sympathy and I will be praying for you and your family. I can say nothing else at this time.

Carol, I too want to say I'm sorry for all that you are going through, I can't even imagine. It's a sad state of affairs that this what we have become as a nation.

Carol,You guys have sure have been through some tough times.Thank you for sharing with us,I know whenever I have any problems if I talk about them with someone imidiatly I feel better even if the problem is still there.Keep strong!I am sure that anyone who read the post will keep you in thier thoughts and prayers.I think that any parents can relate to your pain.Don't forget to take care of You!

Carol, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I am speechless. I cannot offer you any personal first-hand experience on what you're even going through. This might be best described as "tough love". All you can do is seek help that's available, be there for her in her times of desperation and repeatedly tell her that you love her and that you will never turn your back on her. Hopefully, things will turn around for the better.

I, too, will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

A'ndrea

Carol, words can't describe how sorry I am for you. As with the others, my thoughts and prayers are with you as well.

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. It has been a rough few weeks, but then again the peace and NO TENSION in our home is almost worth the things we have gone through. Of course paying $400.00/month for child support is a lot cheaper then having to pay over $33,000 to get her into a theraputic home... I am a firm believer that God will take care of us.

Again, thank you and I am sorry I went off on a rampage concerning this...I just get so frustrated with the way America is going at this time. If I had talked to my father the way she talked to her father I would not be here today..lol..I would be 6 ft. under or very physically damaged..I can promise it would never have happened a 2nd time.

Carol, I have a question for you. Can you emancipate your daughter to make her responsible for her own actions? Mind you I know nothing about this other than someone I knew did it with her daughter. Here is a link to the definition of emancipation of minors.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emancipation_of_minors

Again, my thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

Our nation is in a downward spiral that I hope will correct itself before a total collapse of everything that we hold dear. You can kill a child up until it's born and that's legal. However, if you discipline a misbehaving child, you can be sent to jail and lose all sorts of "unalienable" rights. I am 35 and don't have a single kid. At this point, I am afraid to have a child because I will not be able to be a proper parent. The government programs are the parents. You, as birth parents, just provide a roof over their head and food to eat. America tries to be the police of the world but we can't seem to protect the rights of our own citizens. The moral decline of this country will have devastating socio-economic results. If you think that things are bad today... wait until today's high schoolers are legislating laws. I am not antigovernment. I am just for limiting the powers of the government when it comes to domestic issues. Today, Atlanta put forth legislation seeking the ban of sagging jeans with the underwear visible over the waistband. (same goes for women with visible thongs) The last time that I went to Six Flags in Atlanta, I thought that the sagging pants were a school uniform. Everybody, in their pursuit of individuality, ends up looking like everyone else. Gone are the days of teaching etiquette and character, it has since been replaced by arrogance and opposition. People need to vote and people need to understand the platforms of the candidates that they are voting for. We can return to a strong society but we have to do a complete 180 degree turn from our current trajectory.

quote:

Originally posted by digdmr:
Carol, I have a question for you. Can you emancipate your daughter to make her responsible for her own actions? Mind you I know nothing about this other than someone I knew did it with her daughter. Here is a link to the definition of emancipation of minors.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emancipation_of_minors

Again, my thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

Thank you so much, as far as emancipating her, yes we have looked into it, but in this state she has to prove that she is self-supporting, has her own place and can sufficiently support herself. Not going to happen...lol..she doesnt have a job and based on her history a judge will not allow it to happen. She even talked to Social Services about emancipating herself and they basically laughed..stated no way, she is actually mentally unstable at this time and cannot make basic decisions for her life ..she wants to just have her way and do things her way. She looks like an adult..but she still has the mind of a child..one with a bad temper tantrum.
Just keep us in your prayers..we are going to get through this, my feelings, even though we have been done wrong by the "system" at least she might get some help while they have her. We can only pray that is what happens.

Carol, please add my thoughts, prayers, and hugs, to those posted above.

Thank you Lisa.

Carol -- I am so sorry about the torture you are going through. You are in my thoughts daily and I think you have been dealt an undeserved punishment.

Your statement:
"...they have moved her to 3 foster homes in the last 8 weeks because no body can handle her."

In a short amount of time, your daughter's behavior in foster homes will prove you right. And eventually the entities that are coming down on you will get their wake-up call. They will owe you more than an apology.

I wanted to respond to you immediately after you wrote your story, but I have been at a loss for words. You have my deepest sympathy and concern.

Carol:

I too, will keep you, your family and daughter in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you, your family and daughter, all the best.

i totally agree, but might I ad, the thought that journalism isnt doing its n job, and the media is more interested in Paris/Nicole/and
all the other bubble brains exploits than encouraging awareness of real issues.

Okay, here's a new dumbing of America example. Parents leaving their children in the car in 90 plus temperatures, or at all for that matter! I just heard about 2 more children dying this week alone. What do these people use for brains?

I'm pretty sure it rhymes with spit.

travel dancer -- I appreciate your reinforcement on my obesity statement.

You said:
"I am a registered nurse, and I hate to break it to you but High starch foods tend to be overall cheaper than fresh fruits and vegetables, there was just a recent study that
linked the two, maybe it is a generalization, but there is a basis of fact for it "

Somehow, it was inserted in the middle of the post you pulled from psychocruiser. Maybe you can go back and edit it (putting your comments after psycho's response to me). Then maybe your point will be noticed. I tend to make harsh statements, but they are usually based on fact. I already have enough enemies here at cruise-chat.
Sincerely,
Suzanne